Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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