I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
