i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
