some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
