Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
