Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
