I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
