I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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