haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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