I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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