my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
a search helicopter?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
