Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize