I just threw up on my dentist
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
