you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
