I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
