he puts the penis in happiness.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
