We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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