I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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