There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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