I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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