I must be too annoying 4 u.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
