She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
