sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize