We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
