OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
