she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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