I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Two words: blizzard sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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