I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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