They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
