I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This toilet bowl is my home.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
