when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
