I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
