i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
