Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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