Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
