sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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