As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
