My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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