i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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