Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
