Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
