In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
