i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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