if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
