Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
