sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
