are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
