I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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