I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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