I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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