Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
