thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
