The maid of honor just puked.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
