I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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