What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
