I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
