a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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