He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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