Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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