You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
