Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
