is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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