I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
