youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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