So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
