At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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