I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
