thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize