You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
