He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
